More Illogical Substances Discovered

In a stunning development earlier this morning the IOC banned Frank O’Hara from the Pretentiousness 400 Individual Medley after he had tested positive for illogical substances. This follows on the heels of Robert Frost’s expulsion two days ago for the same offense (“I had a lover's quarrel with the world," Frost was heard to have said). This reporter has obtained the O’Hara test results:

But that’s not why you fell in love in the first place, just to hang onto life, so you have to take your chances and try to avoid being logical. Pain always produces logic, which is very bad for you.

I’m not saying that I don’t have practically the most lofty ideas of anyone writing today, but what difference does that make? They’re just ideas. The only good thing about it is that when I get lofty enough I’ve stopped thinking and that’s when refreshment arrives.

The head coach of the USA Poetry team, Vachel Lindsay, immediately filed a protest citing that any dispute was between him and Frank only, and that the rest of the world should mind their own damned business. Mr. O’Hara himself could not be reached in person or even by telephone.