The Muse Wins Gold

And the winner of the 400 Meter Pretentiousness-IM is Baron Pierre de Coubertin:

Ode to Sport

O sport, pleasure of the Gods, essence of life
O sport, you are Beauty!
You are the architect of this edifice, the human body
O sport, you are Justice!
O sport, you are Boldness!
O sport, you are Honour!
O sport, you are Fertility!
O sport, you are Progress!
O sport, you are Peace!

Amazing! And stranger than any of my weak satires. I have recently discovered (thanks to Boynton) that there were artistic competitions in the Olympics of the early 20th century, called the Pentathlon of the Muses. The good Baron won the gold medal (under an assumed name) for his efforts in the 1912 Olympic Games in Stockholm. For this very poem.