Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Daily Poetry Show: Season Two

It's time for America's most popular poetry game show, “The Daily Poetry Show”. Now, here's your host, former "Gong Show" regular, Son Rivers!

Hello, everyone. I hope you're as excited as I'm pretending to be, because we're ready to play "The Daily Poetry Show". Okay, is everyone ready? Let's meet our three reviewers: self-professed inventor of barf and former editor of “exspell”, Nolo Lingua; winner of the 2005 Formzilla Kills Freeversala Awards, Ry Foote; and current chairman of the Members Only Poetry Club and seven-time winner of the Members Only Poetry Club Chairman’s Prize for Elegant Diction and Big Brains, otherwise known as the Dickhead Award, we’re honored to have with us tonight the great Tweed Majors.

And now our contestants: come on down.

Delinquent Missive by Mary Karr
Lingua: Clueless limousine loser: David should have stabbed her instead sixteen times with an effing hypotenuse.
Foote: Well, Mary knows iambic, but I’m afraid she’s got ferocious of the meter. And “smelled like a foot”???
Majors: Oh, when she waxes so religious at the end, I was literally moved to a tear.
Rivers: Holy Mother Mary of Verse!

Today, Part II by Erik Sweet
Lingua: There’s an ineffable today in every effing immeasurable line of this poem that makes me want to squeeze the yesterday out of the sun.
Foote: Excuse me, where’s the punctuation? Where’s the contextual integrity? Where’s the poem?
Majors: The poem seems to begin and end on the same note, therefore having no vector of sentiment inherent in its development other than the day itself.
Rivers: Exactly!

Deer by Sarah Kennedy
Lingua: Oh let me see: the force of nature in the guise of a deer smashes into a little suburban nobody and shines a headlight on her tedious marriage. How presumptuous and effing dull.
Foote: Is it hexameter? Is it tetrameter? Is it somewhat metrical prose chopped into similar lengths and bunched into triplets? Do the enjambments even know?
Majors: Oh my, what a dear little poem.
Rivers: I prefer John Deere green, myself.

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